"Do you think that God's going to send me to hell for killing innocent people?" former Sgt. Joshua Barber asked his wife one day last summer.
Olympian News story found on McClatchy online paper.
Portion below; whole thing here: http://www.theolympian.com/672/story/680198.html
A cook — and a gunner
For Joshua Barber, the serious problems began a year after his return from Iraq.
He had deployed with the 1st Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division from September 2004 to October 2005. The Stryker brigade has since transferred to Germany.
Barber was a cook but found himself a gunner on missions in Iraq.
His VA physician wrote in an assessment after his death that "it is reasonable and valid to attribute his suicide to post-traumatic stress disorder, particularly in light of the fact that he joined during peace time, not knowing he would be called on to serve in war. …
"At the point of enlistment, he probably never suspected that he would be called on to serve in a combat role," she wrote in the assessment, a copy of which was provided to The Olympian by Kelly Barber.
Barber joined the service before the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.
On Dec. 21, 2004, a suicide bomber detonated explosives inside a mess tent near the Mosul airport, killing 22 people. Among the dead were 14 U.S. service members, including six Fort Lewis soldiers.
For days, Barber and other soldiers had to keep the area secure and escort federal agents around the crime scene. After his return home, he had nightmares about the mutilated bodies lying everywhere, his wife said.
"He would say that all he could remember was the smell of death," she said. "That bothered him quite a bit."
When a sniper's bullet killed his first sergeant, Barber blamed himself. He was convinced the noncommissioned officer would still be alive if Barber had gone on that mission, his wife wrote in materials submitted to the government.
Barber noted in his post-deployment health screening that he felt at least one time during his deployment that he was in "great danger" of being killed. He also acknowledged that he had an experience so frightening and upsetting near the end of his tour that he felt numb or detached.
However, the screening official concluded that Barber had "no medical issues" and didn't refer him for treatment, including for combat and operational stress, according to the screening, a copy of which was provided by Kelly Barber.
Her husband eventually sought private care.
During his leave, the couple attended a concert by Weezer, an alternative rock band. Barber, who his wife said was usually "the first one in the mosh pit," couldn't handle having so many people around him.
She later recalled a camping trip where she remarked about the beauty of the surrounding mountains. Her husband said he liked the scenery, too — because there would be "good hiding places so no one would get me," she remembers him saying.
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